Today is Ret 12.

I think it was Stephen Fry who made the interesting assertion that, “the older I get, the more noise I make”.  (I’ve tried, unsuccessfully, to conform this via the interweb).  His point was not that he needed to turn the radio up so he could hear it, but that aging brings more physical issues that result in exclamations of, ‘ooh’, ‘ahh’, ‘ouch’ etc. as you perform tasks that  used to be easy.    It’s a valid point.  It becomes increasingly common that a body part which has been performing it’s simple job with little fuss for a lifetime, suddenly becomes excruciating painful when used – for no apparent reason.  Typically it’s part of a leg, but not always.   For example the other week whilst performing the simple task of walking to the elevator at work, my foot refused to take any weight all without feeling as if somebody has stuck a knife into it.  It was really, seriously painful.    But here’s the thing: after I’d collected myself and taken a few more steps it felt a little better, and after I’d taken a few more it got better still, and finally it was all back to normal in after I’d hobbled about 20 yards. Now what the hell was all that about?

Unfortunately it’s not always so short lived.  My left knee, for example, is starting to get really annoying.  It started about 10 years ago when I got up from my desk one afternoon and I thought, ‘that’s weird, why does my knee hurt?’. Later staggered around Tesco and collapsed in a chair when I got home.  Later that evening my No.1 Lady took me to casualty where a large doctor stuck a sodding great needle into it and tried to draw some fluid off.  I don’t think he succeeded, but the gas and air I was sucking on didn’t really work either and No.1 Lady complained I’d gripped her hand so hard I bent her wedding ring. Eventually their best was guess was that it was gout.  Oh well I thought, i might not have the assets of the landed gentry, but at least I can get their medical complaints.  Apparently ‘healthy’ foods like oily fish and port are ‘bad’, but cherries are ‘good’.  Go figure, but it was fine for the next 8 years without me changing my port consumption.

Then about 18 months ago it got sore again, though I couldn’t recall if it felt the same as before.  This turned out to be due to wearing a nice pair of stylish shoes my No.1 Lady persuaded me to buy. The heel was to low and this led (or so the podiatrist said) to increased stretching of my calf muscle, which in turn led to me adopting a twisting type of walk which made my knee hurt.  OK,  I guess that makes sense.  Certainly going back to my ubiquitous walking shoes/trainers, which have a higher heel fixed the problem.

Or did it?  Yesterday when I got up I could barely put any weight on it unless it was straight. I really have no idea why, perhaps falling asleep with my feet on the desk didn’t help.  But after you’ve entertained grandchildren etc for most of the day with one leg straight all the time, EVERYTHING hurts.

Which is all a rather roundabout way of accounting for why today I am having a very slow, Brufen assisted day in the hope that I might just about do dancing with No.1 Lady tonight.  (We’re still working on the Rumba).